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Monday, June 11, 2012

Sharing Our News with Friends

We have only just begun to tell people about Belalu, because we have only just found out ourselves. I don't really have a set way to bring it up, though many times people will say "She's getting so big!" and I'll laugh and say "funny you should say that..."

Thing is, this is shocking news. Yes, she had complications early on, so many people have been asking all along "is everything ok now?" And I was telling them "yes, it must have just been one of those things. She's totally fine and doing well." And now, the story has changed again.

So, people don't know what to say. I get it. Three weeks ago, I would have had no idea what to say to a friend in a similar situation. Almost everything, though, has been what I needed to hear, because I know it's coming from a good place. Besides some comments I won't even share because I'm sure they were from shock and resulted in temporary stupidity, the only thing that has rubbed me the wrong way is when people say Belalu "is perfect in her own way." It's the last four words that get me. Just stop at "perfect."

What I really don't want people to do is to assume how I feel about Belalu's condition, and react "for me." I don't consider this bad news, so please don't treat it as such. The best thing to do is to ask me how am I feeling, so you can react accordingly. Technical questions are fine, too. 


  1. i get it. i *hate* it when people feel they need to give me a hug and say, "i'm so sorry!" but even worse is when they say, "are you sure? he seems so ___" i don't want to have to to justify that my son needs help and i don't want any sympathy.

    it is hard to know what to say, but it is generally best just to sit with a friend and let them do the talking.

  2. There is just simply no right thing to say... I am sure all your friends and family mean the best, people are just really not used to have to choose words for an occasion like that. Most people never have to do it in their lifetime, they have no idea what to say. I have also found that it really depended on my mood on the given day and the relationship with the different people. I remember being furious at some of the comments... I have been a bit better for a while, but I freak out when anyone uses the D word around me or when my older kids were given a snow white and 7 dwarf puzzle...

  3. if i get the "oh isnt he getring big. " comment,i just agree and smile, i dont mention it unless someone has the guts to ask and then i give the basic facts and directly answer questions quickly and to the point and swiftly move on to something else ,, i dont give people the chance to throw a pity party lol xx