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Saturday, May 18, 2013

Noticed

Today Belalu's size finally hit me. Her friends are all different ages and sizes, so I never really saw before how small she is for her age. Some friends of ours have a daughter who just turned one recently. They have an older daughter, and when Belalu was born, they gave us a bunch of clothes for her to wear, and then I was going to pass them back for the second daughter after she was born. Now, the second daughter is passing on her clothes to Belalu. They are almost a year apart and are the same size or in the case of pants, Belalu is far smaller than the other child. Most of her pants are size 6-12 right now, but she also still wears some 6 or 9 month ones, and those are the ones that best fit her leg length.   
As an introvert, I like to observe. I don't like to draw attention to myself, especially if I'm out in public or in a group setting. I get very nervous and ineloquent when everyone listens to something I'm saying and stumble around saying whatever comes into my head. I then spend the rest of the day/night rewording in my head everything I said. So, as it becomes more and more apparent to the random observer that Belalu is different, the more nervous I get about confrontations, difficult conversations, a litany of questions; when all I want is for me and my family to go about our business unnoticed. I know I will need to set an example for my children, and I'm really afraid that I'll think of the perfect response or thing to say... five hours after the fact. I don't know how to prepare myself for what's coming, because I don't know what it will be. And it'll likely be when I least expect it. I try to tell myself that humor and equanimity are the best traits to cultivate. So, I'm working on starting there.



3 comments:

  1. I think you will be fine Vanessa, you will have the right words, I am not sure the level of humor and educational zeal necessary. I think you might more go out of your way to educate people than I will. Btw., I had to move the Pauli visit to some time in the spring, we can't do October. I am thinking of doing April or so, would you like to pair up? Please...

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  2. I agree with the other blogger friend that you will be just fine! Don't worry if people notice.... So what..... Belalu is absolutely beautiful!! Worrying will only make you crazy. Take it one day at a time and don't worry about others or what you will say. You will know what to do at that moment. Xoxo

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  3. When you think of something hours after the conversation - you will be prepared for the next time! You will learn as you go...

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